“I’ve been in love with him for months, but I haven’t seen him in 2 years. This summer, I visited Pennsylvania with my family all the way from New York. It was for one short week. The first day, he didn’t even say hi to me. The second day, we played one flimsy games of cards. I was heart broken. I hated him at that point. The third day we played man hunt. I went with him and we hid on his porch. He took my phone and I was trying to get it back from him until I fell on his lap. We laughed. He looked me in the eyes and said “Guess what,” I hugged him and asked what. He brushed the hair from face and put it behind my ear and said, “You’re beautiful,” and he kissed me. He’s not just a summer romance. I’m still in love with him. I don’t care about the distance, he means everything. I’d give anything for us to be together. And he means so much, that i’m willing to put all I have in our relationship even if we’re 200 miles apart. I see him every month. And I like having something to look forward to. He changed me.”

“May 11, 2007.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re joking. This is a sick joke and it isnt funny, Matt” i said, near sobbing. “I’m not. I’m, well. I fucked up. They’re coming to pick me up soon. They told me to pack my stuff.” He was crying now. “Matt, are we gonna to be okay? ” It seemed like the dumbest question to ask. Of course we wouldnt. Not unless the group home was next door to me, neither of us would be okay. “Yeah, don’t ever worry about that. We’ll be okay, i promise. I just dont know where i’m going, thats all” He was trying to pick himself up, be the man, the protector. It was slightly comforting. “But Matt, what if you’re too far away?” I felt like when I used to stay up all night to say goodbye to my parents in the morning before they went to work. I was nine then, it was a much more simple pain. This one ran deep. “No matter what, I’ll come back, okay? I swear to you that i’ll always come back. I love you. Don’t ever forget that.” I cracked a bit of a smile. He always knew how to make me smile. “How can I forget that? you won’t let me.” I couldn’t take the emotion. I was going to rip right through my chest if I hung up the phone crying. There were voices in the background. Then some shuffling. I shifted the phone to my other ear, trying to hear a bit better. It wasnt just voices, there was yelling. And then it settled down. I felt like he was going to prison for the rest of his life. Like he was framed for a murder and there was no way to clear his name.
“Matt?” I didnt like the yelling. I wanted him to know that I loved him before he left. I wanted to tell him i was going to walk to his house and say goodbye, to leave him with a last kiss, a last smile. So he’ll know i’ll be here when he gets back. “Yeah?”. He tried again to be strong, but his voice cracked. “Will you call me when you get there?” Another dumb question. At least i calmed down enough to ask it. “Of course I will, I’ll at least let you know where I am, i just can’t promise to talk for long” his voice was a bit better. I didn’t quite want it to be. I wanted to be there, holding him close enough to hear his heartbeat, to hear when it jumps erratically, to be able to be the only one to hear it when it slows to a murmur. “Matt, I love you. I’ll be here waiting. Please know that.” My voice was the one cracking now. I calmed down again, trying to keep from falling apart. “Catie, i hate doing this. I really do. I didnt mean to do this to you, I didnt mean to do this to us, i just fuc—” i cut him off. “Matt! don’t ever talk like that! It’s not your fault, dont act like it is. If you told Jeff to send you to a group home to get away from me, let me know now. If not, then dont dare say anything like that again.” I was infuriated, though not at Matt. I was completely angry by the mention of his father, better known as the scum of the earth, the biggest douchebag known to any existence of life. It was his fault that we were being torn apart from each other, and that isnt just pinning the blame.
“I Love You, and dont ever forget that. I have to go. theyre gonna take— well, im leaving now. I love you.” he chose his words a bit too carefully, i knew he didnt want me to cry. “I wont forget it, as long as you dont. I love you, matt, ill be here waiting.” i wasnt going to lose it until after i got off the phone. “Bye, love.” i said, feeling the tears welling up in my brown eyes, blurring my vision. For the most obvious of reasons, i couldnt think of anything except Matt holding my face in his hands, staring into them like always, telling me how wonderful i was. I sure didnt feel all that wonderful right now. “Bye, mouse.” against my will, i smiled. He was the only person who could tug at my heart like that, could make me smile in the darkest of times.
I hung up the phone. there was no use in keeping it on, i needed the battery for later. I needed to call him later. And thats all i looked forward to: later. I got up, and walked across the room. My knees felt weak. My stomach flipped. My head was spinning, and God didnt care. He was spinning me as fast as possible in the middle of a storm, and i couldnt take it. My excuse of a body fell. I fell to my knees and closed my eyes. I didnt even know what time it was when it happened, but it felt like forever. It took a lifetime and a half just to let everything sink in. The next thing i remember is being brought to being concious by the heaving sobs in my chest. Breath was not enough, the air was tainted. I was breathing a noxious gas, and every breath burned my throat. It was like drowning, because i wanted air, but I couldnt get it. I couldnt calm down enough to let my lungs fill. My mind was my mortal enemy, i couldnt be left alone with it. I needed to get out. I needed a friend. I couldnt stop. Water was gushing from my eyes, and I was running out of tears. I couldnt take it. I screamed and i yelled and i fought myself. I couldnt believe that he was gone, like that. I felt like i should be there, running after that car that carted him away. I felt like i needed to run and scream and beg them to stop, beg them to let him come back, just beg to let him see me. To have a goodbye, a physical, personal, “Im yours forever” goodbye. But i couldnt have it. And i couldnt breathe. I thought only once about trying to take something, a type of faux sleep, just to fall asleep and escape the poisonous fumes that were filling my lungs, to keep my heartbeat from tormenting my ears, to stop the room from spinning and just get a gasp of precious air.
Unfortunately, everything said was true. I could try to trick myself until dawn breaks, but it wasnt going to change anything. My lungs were empty, and no amount of gasping was going to do me any good. I needed Matt. Everyone else meant nothing now. He was gone. Its like being in a basement all your life. No light, no windows, no fresh air. And at the exact moment that someone comes into your life and becomes your sunshine, you never want to let go. You dont care how, you just need them. You become addicted to that sunshine, that light, that you never want to go back into darkness. You want to make sure that that light will never fade. And when everything becomes dark again and youre stuck in pitch blackness once more, you could care less about who is there with you. You care only about your sunlight and how to get it back. And everyone else never understands, because they dont see the sun like you do.
And then youre alone. Abandoned, with no hint of air in your lungs, fifty feet underwater. And the only breath of air you get is when youre with them. When Im with Matt.

Read more: http://www.myspace.com/roxmytoesoxinabox/blog#ixzz10GofKdzl

Matt and I arent together anymore. We broke up in the beginning of summer, though he didnt hold out for as long as i did. We just felt too much for each other. It was one of the greatest times of my life, and its over. Im ready for my new adventure. And although i come back to this, my almost perfect recollection of what happened, and i cry every time, i think things are happening the way they should.

Read more: http://www.myspace.com/roxmytoesoxinabox/blog#ixzz10GoOn0FL

Im not in a relationship. I do things i never dreamt i could. Ive met so many new people, and gotten closer, and drifted, from the ones i already knew. But this is life.
And im happy. Because i cant predict what will happen next with my life. I stay on my toes.
Ive learned from Matt. From my muffin, my noodle.
And that lesson is over.
And there will always be a part of my heart that will love him no matter what, unconditionally, and for forever, like i always said.
But i wont be able to go back to him. I couldnt ever go back to him.
Not ever. -babyneverletmego”

“We haven’t kissed yet. But, I feel it in my stomach every time that I look at him - the feeling that this is right. Right is us and everything we will be. I knew it from the second he made me laugh that things would be okay and these past few months we’ve taken things slow. But I can’t wait for that moment, where we look into each others eyes and realize we are right and will be for hopefully a long long time.”

“I remember my first kiss with my boyfriend. It was one of his last days at school and the bell rang for lunch to end. I had to go to class and he was going home. He walked me all the way to the steps and i walked up two, so we were the same height. I was looking into his eyes and then we both leaned in. The kiss only lasted like a milli-second but it was so, so “worth it. I will never forget that perfect first kiss.

“You kissed me like you meant it.

We stood there at the end of the rainbow. The drizzle and the sunshine covered us over. Your blue eyes had me hooked, and I had no idea what I was getting myself into with you. I didn’t expect anything.
I asked you why you were different, and you said you weren’t different at all.
I should have believed you.
But in that moment, we were just teenagers in love. It was just a summer romance. It was only meant to last for an evening. But you looked at me and smiled, and I only loved you more.
Our cheeks brushed, and then our lips met. For a second, I had no clue what was going on. It was my first kiss, and I was confused. Once I got the hang of it, I knew exactly what to do.
That was the best day I could have possibly asked for. I was uneasily in love the entire next day. I wanted to hold your hand and fall asleep in your arms.
Time went by, we dated, and broke up. We both still loved each other, and we didn’t know what to do.
We spent my last day together. My last day in that small town, my last day in pure nature, my last day of cupcakes and DVD rentals, my last day in your arms. It was a perfect day, but I regret the last second.
I didn’t kiss you goodbye.
I wanted to. So badly. But I didn’t.
And now I can’t bear to watch people kiss. I think, “What if I had kissed him?”
And now you’ve moved on. You’ve found someone else like I told you you would. And I’m just left here in the dust. You never meant it in the first place. I should’ve believed you when you told me you weren’t anything special.

You kissed me like you meant it.

But you didn’t.

And I wish you did.-torsteinhnngmo”

“My first kiss was my freshman year. We were at homecoming. I was with my fist serious boyfriend. We had been together for about a week. We were dancing to Don’t Matter by Akon. We kissed, a lot of people saw. It was really sweet. Sadly, about 4 months after that we broke up. He cheated on me. We went through a lot of drama after that but we’re friends now.”

““Let me go.”
“I don’t think so.” He had me back against a wall in a separate hallway about a few yard from the door. Me in-between his arms, and him…staring me down with a smirk.
“What if someone sees?” I pleaded with him as he moved closer. I could smell him, his scent was like peppermint. I could have fainted right then and there.
“So what?”
Yeah….so what? His face inched in closer to mine, he stared at my lips, and I could tell what he was aiming for. His lips were slightly parted and making their way towards mine, so I tilted my neck up so he couldn’t as a last final attempt to ward him off. He chuckled. And began to kiss my neck. And I melted. He kissed me all the way up my neck hesitating once, because I knew he was trying to fight any urge to subtlety bite my neck. His breath was hot on my neck, which was weird because it had been so cold outside. His hands weren’t cold anymore either. They were placed along my lower back, trying to pull me in. He lightly ended up kissing me on the lips, and led to being almost aggressive. In the end, he slowly backed away with a smirk, and I stood there dazed and confused.
“Well then….good morning to me, I guess.” I stated. He laughed.
“I love how I can do that.”
“Do what?”
“Make you forget everything.” I began to get angry because it was true, I had been trying to take him to the commons room before me trapped me.
“So! Not! True!” I stormed my way up to him.
“True.” He said non-chalantly with his hands in his pockets.
I became really flustered, so…what did I do? I kissed him. I felt the same electricity from the 1st time me kissed. I could feel my pulse quicken and that sense of urgency set it. And…we ended up knocking teeth. So embarrassing. He laughed it off, and we heard someone come through the door so we darted down the hallway.
We began to climb the stairs. Me, as usual, fumbling all the way. He stood by close ready to catch.
“Your reflexes are too slow you couldn’t catch me if you tried.”
“Wanna bet?”
I began to race up the stairs him quickly following me, right into a dead end. I was cornered again, this time, with no chance of anyone being around. And he began to do what he was notorious for…chuckling.
“Oh don’t you think you’re so clever.”
“I do not.” He said taking a step back against the wall.
“Do too. You think you’re so cool,” I nagged inching closer to him.
“You think you can corner me,” I said while grabbing his shirt and pushing him against the opposite wall.
“Trap me with your arms.” I put each of my arms on his opposite sides. I could see his body tensing up. His hands hovered at my sides, itching to touch me.
“And get real close to my face like this,” I say whispering closely to his face, I could hear his breath quicken, and felt him begin to place his hands on my waist.
“Tilt your head,” I tilted my head, and my lips almost touching his. And I said with my lips just slightly brushing his, “And then…walk away.” I said quickly dashing away.
“Damn..”-poisenedapples”

“Before I knew him, I’d seen him around school in the year above. I liked his style and thought to myself “that’s what I want my boyfriend to dress like, that’s the attitude I want him to have…. that’s who I want him to be..”
A year passed and I moved to a different sixth form, and all my original friends were being accepted by the year above. This boy became someone quite a few of my “friends” lusted after, flirting outrageously with nothing particularly new to offer other than looks. I heard all this through the grapevine and learnt his name was Joe.
We both happened to be at the same christmas party at a club one night and when I headed for the bar, Joe had just collected his drinks. The first thing I ever said to him was “Oh, so this is what the fuss is about?!” and the rest is history. Best 3 and a half years of my life. -willoughbeee”

“A few months ago, I was in my best friends’ pool, with my boyfriend. At this point, me and him could not be closer. He put his two pointer fingers, into the two dimples on my lower back. My hands stretched across his shoulder blades. He whispered “I love you” and instead of going in for a big make out session, he kissed me like he did in the start of our relationship. Like he was scared to get so close to me, and violate my space. I could hear his heart pounding, my legs were shaking. Just like in the beginning. I don’t know what came over us, but for that second we were two kids in love. My eyes are full of tears saying all this, because I’ve moved on, and so has he. I don’t regret my choice to stop our kisses, and begin them with other people, but I miss him. I miss our times, our laughs, and mostly, little moments like the one I just described. We are both so set on our new paths, we’re forgetting what we meant to each other. Sometimes, I’d rather be back in that pool, in my baby’s’ arms, then anywhere else.”

“I hardly know you so this is going to sound ridiculously stupid but when I fall for someone, I fall hard. This time, you were that someone. When you walked in I just knew I would like you but there wasn’t a soul that didn’t.
I don’t recall much from the night, mainly just puking my guts out and the fact that you had stopped talking to me. I told everyone later on that I didn’t know why, but I did.
I don’t even know if you can call it a kiss since it was so brief and so precarious, but I know I felt something. It wasn’t a drunken feeling or an instance of lust - it was real, it was right. My heart was beating like a jackhammer before I pulled away and ruined everything with two simple words.
“I can’t.”
I hardly know you so this is going to sound ridiculously stupid but when you held me, it was right and that night when I was feeling so sick and so alone and all I wanted was for you to hold me again, I felt so empty when you didn’t.
So here I am and there you are. I mean nothing to you and you’re my latest obsession. God I wish I were in your shoes.”